Uncommitted or Just Plain Ironic?

I am an overweight woman. Actually, I'm morbidly obese by doctors' standards (and by my own standards). I am six feet tall and I weigh somewhere around 350 pounds. I'm in between a size 20, 22, and 24 depending on brand/cut/etc. I'm not happy with how I look and I want to lose weight. Ideally, I'd like to weigh in somewhere around 175 - 185 pounds. It would be a HUGE difference for me and I know there would be many health benefits to losing the weight.

However...

I am typing this post while eating a bowl of chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream covered in magic shell fudge and sprinkles. It could be classified as completely ironic but I know the truth. I'm uncommitted. I have a hard time putting down the sweets and sodas. I love chocolate. I love Mountain Dew. I'm a sucker for all the bad carbs (*cough*spaghetti is my favorite meal ever*cough*). I also eat pizza rolls like my life depends on it.

I know it's bad. I also know I should stop. I'm stuck between needing to and not 100% wanting to. I'm going to start slow. Cut portions down and amount of meals/snacks. Then I'll slowly start taking away sweets, sodas, certain foods, etc. I'll use my blog as a way to keep track of my progress. That way I'll feel the need to stick to it. (I hope...)

So:

April 30th.
350 lbs.
Size 20/22/24/3x

I'll weigh myself on May 30th and see if I made any progress. Wish me luck!

Who Am I?

Since creating this blog, I have stared at a blank "new post" page for hours. I wasn't sure what to write! I had scoured blog after blog, Pinterest board after Pinterest board, and even Tumblr to find my niche. I read how-tos and the ever-abundant "don't make these five mistakes!" blog posts. And here I am, on High Heels & Swear Words writing a rambling bit about who I am for your reading pleasure.

I am a photographer without a camera. I am a writer without a story. I am a mother and a wife without patience. In a nutshell, I am lost. Depression can do that to you. I won't dwell on that at this time. That a post for another day. I have been feeling this lost for a little over a year and I am hoping that this blog will help me find my way. I plan on writing about anything and everything - screw having a "niche." I'll get bored writing about one subject and to be quite honest... life is anything but boring.

As I've stated, I am a photographer. An amateur photographer almost barreling through the threshold of experienced. I have both a Facebook page and an Instagram dedicated to my photography: Chase The Dawn Photography. What began as a passion slowly became an obsession. I absolutely love being behind a camera lens. At the moment, as I said, I am without a camera. Maybe that's part of the reason I've been feeling lost. Maybe not. I'm not entirely certain. 

I am also a writer. I have been writing stories for as long as I remember. However, it seems that my muse has left me. I haven't been able to start a story (or finish one) in a very long time. I'm not willing to publicly admit how long either. I keep hoping I'll find some inspiration or even some motivation to get back on track. I had so many story ideas but when I try to put pen to paper it all disappears. Oh, the woes of writer's block. 

I am a mother and a wife. I have three beautiful children; all who test my patience daily. They are all under the age of five... until June when my oldest turns six. I'm emotional over the thought of having two children in school next school year and yet I am overjoyed at the idea of having a little more quiet time during the day. I am married to a wonderful man, who like the children, tests my patience every single day. If you couldn't tell, I am not a patient woman. I have a low tolerance for a lot of things. I'm working on it, I truly am. 

Now, where did the name High Heels & Swear Words come from? Honestly, it's a mixture of Google and my life. I love heels. I may not be able to walk in them (YET!) but I absolutely love them. As for swear words, well, I'm a bit of a potty mouth. I'm going to ATTEMPT to keep the profanity to a minimum. No promises though. 

Welcome to my blog. I hope you enjoy the ride.